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My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I woke up from a sex dream. Not really surprisingly, in my dream I had sex with my ex. Luckily, I woke up, before I climaxed. So not too bad.
“Not surprisingly”: actually, it is quite surprising. Well not too much, since she’s the only one I’ve ever had sex with, but lately, I didn’t think often about (the time with) her. So it may be a little surprising.

Anyway: I woke up pretty early. Like 8:30-45am. Which was even before my alarm was going off. I then laid awake in bed until I got up. Then, once I got up, I was scared to leave my room, because the cleaning-lady was over, so I stayed in my room. Then, like an idiot, I turned on my PC, and watched some YouTube videos. Like, even so early in the morning? WHYY?

University

Not too long after that, I left and went to my uni, for the complex analysis lecture. There I met with Lorenzo, and we listened to the lecture together (?). Today was another good day for my lecture-self. The professor asked 4 questions, and I answered 2. This made me feel good – yey!

After the lecture I went home, and ate lunch.

Becoming a Podcast Enjoyer?

In the afternoon, I initially wanted to study, but I ended up not doing that. Why?, you may ask. Because I’m an addict. At least, I didn’t just watch some boring videos, but I started with something new. That is: podcasts. I think, I’m evolving into a podcast listener. Today, I listened to an episode of the Joe Rogan podcast with David [forgot last name] (some artist – asian with blond hair).
This guest had some whacky stories to tell. Like when he went to Congo or some other places, and crazy shit he lived through. Also, he’s an artist through and through. And I gotta say, a lot of things, that he said are somewhat weird. For example, he himself has/had a podcast, where he did some episodes with very uncommon guests. Like, once he had an episode with “yellow” as the guest, and he imagined himself to be the color blue. So, quite weird shit.

While listening to the podcast, I solved some Sudoku’s in order to have something to do, which needs my brain a little, but not too much. yeahh

Saving a (useless) snail(?)

Then I had dinner, and after that, nothing new happened. Ah – I saw a video of “mossy earth” (YT-channel) and they tried to save some snail from going extinct. Now, I think, this is just a wast. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against snails, but they spend a lot of money on snails, which are not even on the main land, but on some small island, and not that important to the ecosystem there. (At least I believe that, since in the video they said:” Everything has it’s own role in the ecosystem” – so a nothing really expression.)
I think, this money would be way better used for something big. Like bisons – or some other big animal. Because, at least in my head, the big animals are more important. (Since they have a greater impact (since they are literally bigger) and there are less of them…)

That’s about all that happened today, I think.

Weird feelings about Emiliana

Crush on who / what

You may know, I introduced her to you as my crush. But I’m not so sure, if this is actually true anymore. Because, I don’t really think of her like this. Mainly, if I think of her, I imagine it would be nice to date the idea of her instead of actually her.
You may ask:” What’s the difference?”. I can’t really answer that, it just feels different.
Maybe, it’s like, it’s not really her, I have a crush on, just some idea in my head. Ergo, I have a crush on no-one(?).

Would I do her?

And unrelated to that, but of the same theme: You might have seen some videos of boyfriends challenging their partners to text their male friends to see if they would be “down to fuck”, so to speak. (This challenge’s main purpose is to proof that male friends just want to fuck.)
(I don’t know why I think of this so often, but it just happens:) I’ve been thinking a lot lately: What would I answer if Emiliana asked me that. And my answer is: “Well yes, but actually no”. Since, as long as she still has a boyfriend, that’s a definite no from me.
But then I ask myself the follow-up question: Would I date her? And I don’t know… If she has a boyfriend, then the answer remains unchanged, but if she doesn’t, I wouldn’t even know… Probably yes, but I’m not so sure anymore. It’s weird.

I don’t know, but when I think of her, I usually think of her as an adult-woman. I don’t even know, what that means, but yeah. Just wanted to say that. Probably, it just isn’t some childish love like thing with her. (At least in my head, which has a lot of lore behind all of that. haha)

Conclusion(?)

In conclusion: I don’t even know, if I do have a crush on her. Anyway, I’m still kinda texting with her, but only on really slow pace. Like 4-5 messages per person a day. So not really texting, but maybe I’ll keep it up – maybe I don’t… I’ll keep you posted.

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So; that’s all for today. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow! Take care, and see you then! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I woke up early, which made me happy. Then, I had a small breakfast (chocolate milk) and watched some LosRatones. So then lunch was just right around the corner.

Today, my mom and I were mostly alone, (since we ate late and my brother had to leave early). So I had a tête-à-tête with her. She was really tired, because she did most of the things for my sisters birthday yesterday.

Afternoon and Dinner

After lunch, I did some studying (solved some complex analysis exercises) and then watched some more YouTube. I also had to prepare a practice session, since we might have some more matches.

Then, after most of that was done, it was already late afternoon. Quarter past 5. I already saw the sun beginning to set. I wanted to ask my mom if I should cook dinner (since she said something close to that yesterday), but when I got to her room, she was sleeping on the couch, in the warm sun. Of course, I didn’t wake her up, but started to cook. I made an easy meal today. Just some spaghetti with an arrabiata sauce. Turned out not too bad – but it’s also hard to mess this up.

After dinner, my mom helped me with the dishes, since she (we all) know, that I hate doing that, and I’m also super slow with them. We were done swiftly, I got ready for volleyball practice.

Volleyball Practice

Initially, Samuel told me, he would drive to practice, and we’d meet at 35 at the train station. I got there in time. It was beautiful weather. Some clouds, but still kinda warm. Since I was a bit early, I waited there. The time showed 7:35 but Samuel was still no where to be seen. So I waited some more. A few minutes later, I decided to call him. Turns out, he mistakenly thought, practice was an hour later. So we were late.

Also, on our way there, we saw some guy on his bicycle with a wooden cart. On this cart was another bicycle. We found it funny and joked, that he was a bicycle thief.
Funnily enough, Leon was also in the car with us, and his bicycle was stolen just last week. So we told him, he should go ask this guy for advice for his new bicycle.

None the less, practice was still good. We were only 8 players (including me) but that made it easier for the team creations. Other than that, nothing notable about today’s practice happened.

Jokes

After practice, we went home again, but I also made one more banger joke. We were in the car (Samuel, Leon and I) and I had a sports jacket of someone in Emiliana’s team. So I told them, I had to drop this of at her house (since we drive past that anyway. They (obviously) asked me, why I have this jacket (since they didn’t know, it wasn’t hers). To which I replied with:” She forgot that at my place” and then they both in perfect sync:” She was at your place??” haha!

Other than that, nothing important had happened today. Just some more YouTube, and I’m ready for bed quite early. I started with my writing’s even before midnight. This is a rare occurrence – but a welcome one to be sure. Since I got a little sidetracked, I’m only finishing it now (1 hour later) but at least I’m doing it!

Try writing more Lively

On a separate but unrelated note: I think, I’ll try writing better. More concretely I mean, that I use more figurative examples. And also write, how it felt and so on. Basically try to tell my story in a lively matter.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! I woke up at like 10am. It was a sunny day. Not as good as yesterday, but certainly better than the whole last week. So, of course, I stayed in my room. I did some studying (since I didn’t finish my coding exercises yesterday) and then took a shower (since I didn’t take one yesterday) and then it was already time for lunch.

Today, we celebrated my sister’s (Sara) birthday. Since she doesn’t live with our parents anymore, but we have a big house, she invited some friends and family over to our house. Lot’s of people… Too much for my taste.

Playing Kubb

After all this gaming, we had dessert, and (since some small children were over) we played some children’s games with them. But not long there after, I had enough so I went back to my room, and finished my studies…

Too much People

From then on, nothing that important happened anymore. I watched some YouTube, and had dinner. That’s about all. Shortly, I’m gonna hand in my exercises which I solved today, and then I’m gonna go to bed.

Feeling Content(?)

Interestingly enough, it didn’t feel as if I didn’t do anything today, even tough I didn’t really do that much. Weird how all that works.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

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Ah, I nearly forgot to tell you: Yesterday, I decided, that I would not eat anything anymore, which comes out of the amazon rain forest (or where it used to be), since I don’t find this cool – all this deforestation. To say it in the weakest possible terms.
Anyway; see you tomorrow!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today was nothing special. I was happy, that the sun was shining, but then was only for about 5 minutes outside. Funny how all this works.

I started donating to some jungle conservationist. Not a lot, but 25 bucks a month. Which is alright. It also felt, as if I did something huge, which it really isn’t, but yeah. Still felt kinda good tho!

Jokes

Today I was texting with Emiliana (a little) and I made a banger joke. Let me explain. Usually, I just send one “last” message, before I go to sleep. So yesterday night, I sent her a gif at like 3am. And then it went about like this:
– E: You should go to bed earlier
– Me: Yes Mommy; [some excuse that it’s just been unlucky and that I almost started to go to bed early at like 2am.]
– E: OMG! You would be in total despair with me. Yesterday I went to sleep at 9pm
– Me: Phew. Lucky me, that we go to bed together

haha! What a joke! Anyway, she didn’t ghost me after that, which was what I had expected initially! But she got me back and replied with:
Yess, I think about that daily!
Like damn! I didn’t even know what to answer … (haha)

Studying

Otherwise: I watched a few lectures today, and with that started to learn C (programming language). Quite confusing with all the pointers and shit. But it’ll come soon (I hope).

Of course, I also watched a lot of YouTube today, but it wasn’t too bad.

That’s about all I did today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today was weird(?). I hardly did anything… First, I slept too long (until about 10pm). Then I didn’t really do anything. FOR THE WHOLE DAY! Maybe like 30-60 minutes of math, otherwise only YouTube.

Deep Research

Actually, that’s somewhat a lie… I asked ChatGPT deep research a question. (Some part, to figure out how good it is, and partially, because I was curious.)
My question was: Is the (human)hunter population correlated with the vegetation intactness? (because animals do this naturally, but more hunters -> less animals -?> worse vegetation)
It turns out, deep research is really good. It wrote me like a short paper on this.

Thinking about Ex again – Sad

Oh, and I have a short confession. Yesterday, I saw something on a map, near the canaries, and then I spent some time more on maps. I then went to Tenerife and searched (and found!) the hotel where I was with my ex-girlfriend. I don’t really know why I did that, but it then brought up some good memories I had with her… This made me sad…
Now just writing this, makes me a little sad as well… But I’ll get over it!

Feeling Silly

Also, I am (still) texting with Emiliana, and somehow, (not really surprisingly) I feel really pathetic (or sad). Though, more like silly. Not important. So I think, I just stop texting her. Like a normal person would do!
Actually, recently I feel anyway, like most-everything is just really silly & not-important. I feel as if I’m doing senseless things & most of what I do is not important. I think, doing a YouTube detox would be good! Maybe soon!

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That’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Yesterday, I forgot to set an alarm. But luckily, I woke up early today. Well; “luckily”: I am trying to adjust my sleep schedule. And it starts to show results!

So after getting up, I had a quick breakfast, and then headed to university, since today I had some TA action. Today was the first day, I didn’t use a winter jacket, but a spring jacket. And let me tell you: Wayy better.

Volleyball News

Once I arrived at the university, I suddenly got an email. It was from the volleyball association. In short, they wrote, that we may still rank up with our team, but we may have to play (and win) a short tournament. This made my day good – like instantly.

TA Fumble

Anyway, back to being a TA: It was nothing too notable. I of course had to answer some questions from the students. I had the solution of the old quiz open, and they had the reasoning for the solutions. Then one student asked, why a specific answer was true, and I replied like a dumbass: it’s written there. And in hindsight: this was a stupid answer by me. So in future, I’ll try to answer better. (For the other answers, I answered better.)

Prisoner’s Dilemma

Also, I had a short discussion with the phd-student who’s supervising this lecture’s exercise hour. We had a disagreement about the prisoner’s dilemma (since it’s in the next exercise sheet, which the students need to solve).
The exercise states that: They are a rational prisoner. What do they choose.

Now his line of reasoning was: Independent of what the other prisoner chooses, you have a higher reward if you confess. Therefore, a rational prisoner confesses.
And my reasoning was: Yes, this is true, if you have a “random” other prisoner (that is, if he may or may not be rational). But, if the other prisoner is rational: you can assume, that both come to the same conclusion, so you both should remain quiet. (Of course, I assumed here that “rational” is unique…)
Because of this discussion he then changed the exercise, a bit. So now it’s clear what is wanted.

But in all reality, the question is not answered as of yet. What would be the rational way of choosing. I asked around at home, and most said, to remain silent. But half of the reasons were independent of the reward matrix (haha).
If you have a good guess, write that down! (haha)

Rest of Day

After all that, I went home for lunch. Then, in the afternoon, I corrected the exercises from the students, and watched a lot of YouTube… That’s all that’s happened today. After all not too bad, I’d say. I’m gonna shower now, and then go to bed!

So, I’ll see you tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Wake up -> Go to university -> Lecture for an hour about complex analysis -> go home -> Lunch

In the afternoon, I watched some YouTube videos, but nothing notable. After that, we had a volleyball match – again. The 2nd last of the mixed team. Because of that, I had to leave at like quarter to six.

Volleyball Game

The match was not too special. We won 3:1. The ref was a funny fella. After the 3rd set, he told both team-captains, that we should play “good volleyball – like at the end of this set. Not like in the beginning”. Which I thought was funny.

Oh, and also, in the fourth set, I smashed one ball on the 3m line. This is quite rare, even for me on mixed (WHAAAA??). But that was cool. mhm.

After all that, we went to eat in a MacDonald and then home again. Once back at home, nothing special happened. I just watched some YouTube videos, am really tired, writing (to) you, and now I’m going to bed. So I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I got up, and basically instantly headed to uni. (I had to take a shit, but since the cleaning-lady was over, I went earlier to uni, so I could use the toilets there. haha…)

University

Today, I had 2 hours of complex analysis lectures. And I gotta say, it was a good day for me. I’ve seen 2 mistakes the prof made, so that made me feel quite good!

After all that, Lorenzo asked me, to stay in the university, so we could solve some exercises this afternoon. We tried that, but we didn’t get anywhere. We actually tried (from like 1 -> 4:30pm) but we could only solve like 1 exercise…

Also, I saw Benji there, which is always fun. Because of that, I had like 15-30 minutes more break. We talked a bit – but nothing that interesting.

I left uni at like 5pm. Once I was at home, I quickly watched some YouTube video, dinner, and then we had the last volleyball game of this season (from the team I coach).

Last Volleyball Game

The game was actually really good – especially for a last game of the season. We were only 7 players, one of which was Daniel, who usually plays as a libero. But today we mixed roles (somewhat). Like: in the first set, Samuel played as an outside, and Leon as a middle. We even won this set, so not too bad.

Long story short. We won 3:1. The last point was especially good. Since: Alec announced (to us) before their last serve, that he will play it back instantly (in order to win the game). And surprisingly, the serve went to Alec -> he digged it over, and the ball fell. Right in the center. What a way to end the season.
(Over all of today, Alec played really good. This was one of his best games. He usually can’t really attack, but today it was probably his best attacking-day over the whole last year! So really good!)

Back at Home & Sleep

After this game, we showered, and then went back home again. There, I watched some YouTube videos, and now I’m writing (to) you. So that’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today hardly anything happened. The only special thing was, that I cooked dinner. I made Spaghetti Bolognese. It was good but not special.

Volleyball – no no no

After dinner, I had volleyball practice. Since, today we weren’t that many people, and we had a game yesterday, and tomorrow again, we actually didn’t do any volleyball. At first, we thought we’d use the trampolines. So we brought out the big mat with trampolines. This only used about 5 minutes, and then we decided on a new game.

We started with Badminton. Now, since the group before us, didn’t remove the volleyball-net, we didn’t have to setup a net for this. But from before we had 2 big mats laying around, which we could jump on. We then played a weird little variation of Badminton, where we have 3 touches per team. This was really fun. One player tried to jump on a mat, every time he played the shuttle – which was quite funny. (But not if you tell it like that…)

After that, we played a variation of baseball. One player had a unlucky time, since one time, he had the bat thrown into his balls, and then like 5 minutes later, he got a headshot, after I hit the ball. Luckily it was only a softball. But still.

After all that, we cleared away all the things we needed, and then went home.

Going Home

In the trainride home, a homeless guy started to talk with Daniel and me. Then I realized, it’s quite bad to be homeless. Not only because you don’t have a place to stay, but also since no-one wants to speak with you… So note to myself: don’t become homeless.
(Well yes, I talked with him a little, but only dumb things. Like, he was complaining, that the train was staying (as it should, since it was early) and then I said some things like: “Yeah – we would be there quicker if it moved already” or so. But this is not really a conversation…)

Beautiful Night Sky

Then after I left the train, I had to cycle a bit. And let me tell you: The stars were beautiful today. I even stopped for a short time, to really appreciate it. It was really stunning! I don’t even remember, when I saw this many stars for the last time.

Back at home, I just watched some YouTube, and now I’m going to sleep. I’ve almost got a normal sleep-schedule back. (Right now is 1:30 am which is like 2.5 hours earlier than 1-2 weeks ago.)

Crush somehow not attractive anymore??

Now this is something weird. Confession: I don’t find my crush particularly attractive (right now). This is really weird, since objectively speaking, she’s one of the 3 hottest women I’ve ever talked to / seen. But still. When I look at her, it’s not like: “WOW”. It’s more like I see her bad features (however little there might be). I don’t really know, why I do this… It’s just weird…

One small (but kinda weird) suspicion is the following: If I imagine women having sex with a man, this instantly makes them less attractive. Obviously. Now, I don’t really do this – but still. Since she has a boyfriend, this particularly makes her less attractive. (Of course, having a boyfriend, is kinda a turn off anyway, but you know what I mean.)

So that is something weird, I just wanted to say.

With that all done: That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today I: Slept late -> Lunch -> Volleyball

Volleyball

At first, we had mixed match. We played against some other coaches from the club, which was kinda fun, since we both are about the same, so it’s always a long game. In the end, we lost 1:3… It was really weird. At first, it felt like it’s gonna be a good day, but then I played like shit! The only thing, that really worked out for me, were my top-spin jump serves. Theses were really good. I made 3 in the game, and 3 impressive points with that.
(Just for the protocol: The only set we won, was when Daniel was on the bench (we were 7 players). Ergo, he’s the worst player from the team – mhm)

So then after this match, we had another game with the team that I’m coaching. This was a bad match as well. At least we won 3:1, so now it certain, that we’re gonna be 2nd at the end of the season. But yeah. We are not happy with that.

Dinner

Silly Joke

And once more, I did a silly. I wrote with Emiliana, who had a meeting with the female-juniors-coaches (from volleyball). After some forth and back, she wrote, that she’s hungry. I then replied with:” I can give you a fry” to which she replied with something along the lines of: so generous, thanks a lot.
So then, I took two fries, put them in a napkin, and once we left, put them in her mailbox. I then wrote her that she should check her mail. She replied with “should I be scared”, and then “I now owe you a fry [laughing emoji]”.
And then also: “really cute, I had to laugh [emoji]”

So now this would all be cool, if she didn’t have a boyfriend. haha – sadge.

Trash war

After that, we (players who came to eat) went to a MacDonald drive through, to get some desert. Since we were too many, we were underway with two cars. We got some MacFlurry and then ate next to each other in the cars.
Once Daniel was finished, he asked us, if he should throw his finished-trash into their car. To which I jokingly replied with “yes”. And little did I know: Somewhat drunk Daniel actually did it. Fucking funny. Not gonna lie. But also silly. but funny.
After doing that like 3 times, we then went home again.

Home Again

Once at home, I watched some YouTube, and now I’m writing (to) you. So that’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!