March 26

My Day

Morning

Dear Diary! In the morning, I got up at 9 o’clock, and headed to uni. I had one hour of complex analysis lecture, and then I went back home, since like that, I can re-use my train ticket. The lecture was good – I answered one of two questions (nerd) and it went over rather quickly.

Lunch & Afternoon – Studying & YouTube

On the train ride home, I already solved one of the 5 exercises, for next week. At home, I watched some YouTube, had dinner, and then in the afternoon, I did some cyclic studying – YouTube thing.
The studying part went really well. I solved 3 more exercises, so now only the crazy hard one is left over (which I’m probably not gonna do).

Late in the afternoon, I started cooking for the fam. Today, I made Flammkuche (a pizza like food, except other things on top). This took like 1.5 hours, since I made about 5 whole baking trails worth. For the dough, I just winged it with the ingredients. I knew, like 1Kg of flour, and then the rest I freestyle’d.
But I liked it in the end, so it was worth it.

Evening – Volleyball & Bad Thoughts

After dinner, I had volleyball practice. We were 12 players, so it was quite fun. Also good, since this was our last practice before the promotion match on Saturday.

After practice, I walked alone to the train-station, and then I had some bad thoughts. That is more precisely a whole chain of thoughts.
1. Emiliana crying on the train station -> me going to cheer her up
2. Any random person crying -> me going to cheer them up
3. Someone trying to commit suicide -> me saving them
4. Someone trying to commit suicide -> me saving them, but dying in the process.

Once I realized this, I tried to stop this chain of thoughts, but yeah. This marks like the 3th/4th time I had suicidal thoughts, this winter. Luckily those weren’t too bad.

Going to Bed

Anyway: Back at home, I ate a bit, and then watched YouTube and now I’m writing (to) you. So that’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

P.S. Emiliana ghosted me today again. We texted pretty good the last few days, but today she didn’t respond. Well, only once in the morning, but not since then.