October 7

Hi! Today was whack. As I told you yesterday, I asked Diana to tell me if Caroline is single or not. Turn’s out, she’s not :(. Let me tell you! (Funnily enough) I was really spiraling, even though, nothing has happened yet lul. My thought process was actually kinda interesting though.

First, I thought, “maaannn, what a jerk”, “Who does he (her boyfriend) think he is”. Then, I imagined him as a ugly weak-man (you know, to cope). Then, I asked myself (in my imagination) “how did he land her though?” so he got funny. Then, the first copium started to hit.
Second, I thought, he probably is good-looking as well, cuz why wouldn’t he be? I mean, he landed Caroline. And then, it felt better too. (Funnily enough, it sorta makes me feel, like I wasn’t even part of the competition, which then makes me less sad lul).
But yeah – I felt all my dreams with her collapsing.

Then, I too imagined, that I’m gonna talk to Diana, and then for some odd reason, she asks me about my crush, and then we swiftly talk about her. Then, she overhears us, joins in on the talk, and wants to know, who my crush is.
As usual, I didn’t wanna say. So first, she did ask if it’s someone she knows and shit, but then in the end, I told her anyway. And then it’s like “why?” (she asks, meaning why I have a crush on her and shit) and then I have my “public” therapy session. lol.
Also, it was kinda sad, but my ideal first date most probably won’t happen now. Most definitely not with her, anyway.

All joking aside – today was bummed because of that. I didn’t really wanna do anything. Also, it feels kinda bad, since she was the first crush I had with potential, since Emiliana (who obviously had a boyfriend and still does – so she doesn’t really count) or rather my last girlfriend.
It was kinda like a mini-break-up. Me and my fantasy of Caroline. Damn…

What I found interesting was, that I felt better, the better I thought of her boyfriend - even though I'm jealous. So, it made me feel better, the more I think of him. Which kinda makes sense, but is the exact opposite of the usual coping, my friends (or probably everyone) does.

Write that down! Something actually smart on here for once.

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Now, back to reality: What did I do today?

Morning: I had a headache when I woke up, so I decided not to go to university, and study at home. Also, at about 10 I got the terrible news, so I was a little bummed out. Actually kinda good, that I wasn’t at the university. (My bummed out being took all in all maybe 1 hour lol.)

Lunch: Mom had an old school-friend of hers over. And it was kinda funny, she did ask everyone what they did this morning, except me. So I guess, I’m not the favorite child. lul.
Also, the package with stuff for Jordans and my car came. So we did open it too, directly after lunch.

Afternoon: Some more studying, and then some Sudoku-solving. Also, I did get an answer to all the questions I asked my bachelors-thesis-supervisor, so I did a little work today on that. Probably more tomorrow though.

Evening: Jordan and I did the first build on our car. We changed the holders for the hood, so now it hold’s itself. Kinda nice, since we’re gonna work on the engine on Saturday.
Then, I spent some time on YouTube – nothing that interesting though.

Now, I’m writing (to) you, and then imma take a shower, and go to bed. That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow. Take care & Bye-Bye!