November 25

Hi! Today was quite a shit day. It all began in the night even. First, I couldn’t fall asleep yesterday evening, and then I woke up like twice before my alarm, and had a hard time falling asleep again. Then, I made the executive decision, to not go to uni today, but try to get a good sleep. -> I slept until ~10.

Then, during the whole day, I didn’t do shit. Nice!

Quick side note before following essay: I kinda had a bad mood today. I don’t really know why, but it also kinda explains why I did what I did:

In the evening (during dinner to be precise) I had a up-fuck. It kinda started when Jordan was jokingly insulting Emily (as it happens sometimes – so nothing special). Then, out of no-where, she just insulted me. But not on funny things, but things which are actually bad (so things which you usually don’t joke about).
Then, she did it again. For a 2nd time during dinner. For no reason. I haven’t even really said anything until this point.
A short while later, I did insult her based on her weight. Always a risky move with women, but I infact did kinda want to hurt(?) her a tiny bit. You know what I mean. Thing is, she couldn’t handle it at all. -> She started to cry.
Then, my mom screamed at me (for like a whole minute straight – not even exaggerating) and things were fucked up from that point on – not really surprising.
It kinda calmed a bit, since you know, it always does. Well, Emily left, and ate not at the table with us. But for the others, it kinda got better.

So then after dinner & kinda during, Jordan and I tried to explain our situation, since obviously, but our mom only kinda got it. It was a whole fiasco.

Then, once I was back in my room, Emily came to say, that she didn’t want to hurt me, and I told her, that she isn’t fat at all.
And then also, my mom came to excuse herself, since during her rant, she also said I maybe should move out, but yeah. She didn’t mean it (not really surprising).

So now, I kinda feel bad – obviously. But I still don’t think, I actually did anything wrong. But since I feel bad, I maybe did. Kinda sucks though.

So yeah. That’s about all for today already. A pretty bad day. I hope you had a better. Take care & Bye-Bye!

I couldn’t really stop thinking about the girl from yesterday – you know, chess woman. LOL. It even already got to the point, where I thought, that I maybe should go to uni today, because I maybe see her then (I’ve never seen her on a Tuesday before). Yurr