January 28

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, hardly anything happened. I basically spent all my time either studying (that is solving ODE’s) or watching YouTube. I realized, what my “working-pattern” is. Since, once I am on YouTube it’s hard to stop. And it’s exactly the same with studying. Once I started solving some ODE’s, I usually solve for about 2 hours, before realizing, that I could take a break.

It’s just like with the first law of Newton:

An object at rest remains at rest, or if in motion, remains in motion at a constant velocity unless acted on by a net external force.

which, if you think about it, makes sense.

On a separate unrelated note: Yesterday, I predicted, that I’m getting sick. And today, in the morning, it was better. Over time, it was always with ups and downs. But for now, only my nose is plugged. So that’s not too bad (yet).

Otherwise, nothing more happened today…

What does it feel like, to be over someone?

There is this one scene from the office where Ryan talks to Pam and says this:

I don’t want to be with her but I can’t bear the thought of her being with anyone else. What should I do?

Ryan Howard

As weird as it may sound, sometimes, I do feel like that. It’s really strange. I don’t really know why it is… It just feels weird. I wonder, if (or when) that feeling is vanishing. And, if it’s gone, does this then mean, that I’m over that person?

I believe so. But on the contrary: Does this mean, that right now I’m not really over her? I can’t really say…

Also, this sometimes makes me think, that I should not have broken up with her? Depending on how bad (depressed) I feel, the question ranges from somewhat yes (quite sad) to no (not really sad – happy).

But if I feel, like I shouldn’t have broken up with her, I then think back, and then I can say, that it was (definitely) the right decision.

Just for the protocol: today, I feel, as if I made the mostly right choice.

Being nice(?)

If you remember, on January 24, I wrote “take care”, when saying goodbye. Another strange thing is: Every day since then, I think about it. Or rather if I should write it today as well. This is a thing that puzzles me, because, most of the time, it does not feel right to write that.

I think, this is concerning to some extend. Cuz, why is that? Like – hello?? Shouldn’t it feel right, to just do it? I even wrote it once more, but then I deleted it, because it just didn’t feel right… I don’t know. I don’t even know why this is. But yeah. It is that way. Make of this, whatever you may want.

Maybe, I had a good day then, or so? I don’t know??

That’s all for today. I’ll see you tomorrow! Bye-Bye!