june 25

Hello!

My Day: [gonna add later]

Lets start with one super weird thing. That is my dream. I dreamed, that I was hanging with Emiliana and her bes friend. (Now, in my dream, I was aware, that Emiliana has a boyfriend.) We were standing on some railing, (fron right to left) me, emiliana, and her best friend. I don’t remember what exactly, but we were talking together about somthing that was sad (I think). Them, emiliana and i were kinda hugging together. My arm over her shoulder and her head on my chest. Then for some reason, it got sad (or something happened; i believe) and then Emiliana started grabbing my ass. Slowly she moved on and on. Then she put her hand under my underwear, abd felt my ass cheeks. She kinda moved forewards with her hand too, but (i dont remember exactly) she didnt reach my dick. Then, she also felt inbetween my ass-cheeks, and then I woke up. Crazy – but kinda hot (haha) (no, I dont want my bum fingered!).

i read a lot. I finished my amish-book my mom recommended to me. It was (kinda) sad, and I dont like with everything, but yeah… was kinda intersting. I would have liked more internal dialogue, but some still happened – which I thought was good.

while reading, my thoughts shifted away sometimes, more often than I’d like to admit. (Since yesterday Daniel told me, that my ex went on a travel to China, and had a thing, with someone with the same name as me.) I thought often about that. I’m not gonna lie: I don’t really like it, since i get kinda jealous. Really weird & annyoing from my side. Then, I also flirted with the idea of “would it not just have been better, if we didnt break up, and tried to work on things?” And “I wish we didnt break up!” And “wouldn’t it have been nice, to have one girlfriend until the end?” But this as always makes me sad.

all in all: I thought about my ex too often.
Then i thought, it’s about time to get a new girlfriend, since I guess that that’d make it easier to “get over her” in a sense.

also, i just remembered that Daniel told me, that my ex told him, that she’s mostly healed fine. So i dont know ig I can / should text her some time?? Probably not though… Everytime I’m kinda down, I think that, but then everytime I’m better, I’m happy that I didn’t.

also, we went on a boat ride today. We rented to small boats and drove them around. This whole charade felt kinda weird to me. Like, it’s all just over the top. It’s a little too much. But hey – was still kinda fun. But fr fr not necessary.
But for the bigger picture: all this vacation feels super silly. Like, I think it would have been better, if I didn’t come. Some of them just always want to go clubbing, but I don’t. And it all just feels silly. All the things we do here. Just pointless…

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That may be a bit of a depressing end to todays entry, but I kinda feel like that…

so yeah. I’ll see you again tomorrow. I’ll talk to you then. Take care & Bye-Bye!