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My Day

Dear Diary! I woke up, with a sore throat at like 6am. I then opened my window, and heard classical music from my sister, who just got up to go to work. Then, I just fell back asleep with this music in my ears.

Then, some time later (at like 10:15) I woke up again, and I was cold. I didn’t close the window. And my throat was sore again… None the less, I slowly got up and took a look at my phone, to misread a message I got from Emily (who’s on vacation), reply and then I got out of bed, started my PC and went to get some breakfast.

Sometime later, I saw Emily’s message again, and realized, that I misread it, so I replied complete nonsense. I turned my message into a bad joke and am fine out now. aamazing!

For the rest of the day, I did a mixture of watching YouTube, watching Lectures and solving exercises. In that order (and sadly also with that time distribution).

I also was able to solve an exercise 5 of a complex analysis exercise sheet, which I usually am not able. But in contrast to that, I tried to solve the programming part of the computer architecture lecture, but wasn’t able to do that. So then I just Chat-GPT’d it.

Also, this afternoon, Emiliana sent me a “real” message again. That means, a message to which it’s not a challenge to reply. So that was a W (?).
But here, a quick confession: I feel really weird texting her. I think, it’s because I think, that she thinks, that I want something from her, which I (only kinda) do. But as she has a boyfriend, this makes this whole thing kinda weird.
Despite all that, I still write often of her in this diary. So I guess, I feel like it’s kinda important still…

Anyway. That’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Until then – Take Care! Bye-Bye!

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BTW. I told you yesterday, that I think, I’m going to bed too late. But today wasn’t any better. So yeah… It’s now 2:30, and I gotta get up in about 6 hours. Yey!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I did hardly anything. In the morning, I figured (out), that I go to bed too late, so this is something, I have to improve for the future! So I woke up at like 10am. Not too bad, but still.

Luckily, I wasn’t hung over at all, so just as expected. Then, I had a random burst of energy (just a weak one) and I wanted to start studying. I did open the uni things, but then I ended up, not doing anything. Well, not entirely nothing, but hardly anything. This means, I created some flashcards for the complex analysis lecture. (Which, by the way, is the only lecture, I’m really keeping up with…)

Other than that, I didn’t do much. Oh, and also, as I was in the gym yesterday, my legs really hurt from that. Well, muscle soreness. So a somewhat nice feeling. But each time, I go up the stairs, I try to take 2 steps at a time (as usual) and then I feel like my mom, since I need to force myself, so I can do it. (sorry for throwing you under the bus, mom!)

Then, in the evening, I once again started to watch some episodes of “Numb3rs”, which is a TV-series of some applied mathematician, who works with the FBI. Oddly enough, I don’t really care about the cases (I skip most of the police work) and I’m only interested in 2 things. These are the math used, and the gossip (well, relationship status/progression between Charles and Amita).
As for the math part, I usually just stop the episode, and try to figure out, what any of the things mean, that they write on the blackboards. So not too interesting.
And I don’t know, why the relationship status of Charles and Amita interest me, but it still does. I’m right now at the beginning, so it was just the first awkward date. Nonetheless, I still thought this was interesting.

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Taking more Pictures

Unrelated to all that. I recently thought, it’s kind of sad, that I don’t take more pictures. Not only would my diary be as “empty” as it is, also it’s the memories, which are way easier remembered with images. So I’ll try to improve this!

That’s about all for today! I’ll talk to you again tomorrow – hopefully with more to tell than today! Take care & until then! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Morning – Lecture notes didn’t load

Der Diary! Today, I had another un-usefull day. At least, in the beginning. So, I slept until like 11am (a bit late for my taste) and then, I had initially planned, to study some for today. But that’s where the problem arose. That is: My lecture notes on my tablet didn’t open. I tried it (more or less passively) for about 1.5 hours, but it just doesn’t work. Really annoying.

Afternoon – Gym & BBQ

Then, at like 2:45pm Josh called, because we planned to have a small BBQ with Yanis. He also (at the time of the call) just left the gym with his girlfriend. Then we said: Meet at his place at 4pm. Then I also asked, how many people were in the gym, and since only 1 person was there, I also speedran a gym-session.

I trained only like 3 different things, but each with 2 warm-up sets, and then 3 “real” sets. Today it was: 1. Squad; 2. Low Row; and 3. Bicep curls. Also, once I was done, I quickly went on the treadmill and walked backwards for some time, since this is quite good for your legs. (With which I obviously have some little problems…)

Once I was done with that, I went home, helped my father lubricate his bicycle-chain and then took a shower. But I showered with somewhat cold water. For one, so it takes less time, and other, so I sweat less (which I at least think it does help). Then I left the house at like 4:15pm.

I was on my bicycle heading to Josh, and then he called me and said: “I have to go pick up my girlfriend at her place, but my mom knows you’re on your way. So you can just go into our garden.” Damn! I was still to early. So then I drove really slow the rest of the way to his place, and (awkwardly) waited there for like 2minutes. Then, his father also saw me, and called me by the wrong name… Worst case scenario. I hate when something like this happens! Of course, I didn’t correct him(?). I just didn’t know, how to say it.

None the less, once Josh arrived, we set up some chairs and the grill outside. Then we prepared some vegetables & garlic bread for the grill. During this, also Yanis arrived. So we were now complete. We then sat outside, had a few beers and talked a lot. Nothing “important” but it was fun none the less. A good afternoon. It was also like 20°C without any clouds – really nice.

Feeling Happy / Complete

During this evening, I had once again this feeling of completeness or happiness. Well, it wasn’t really “happiness” more just like “this is all I want / need to make me happy”, but not in the sense, that I was just smiling. More a fulfilling feeling. You know what I mean (I hope).

Evening – Driving Around

We then grilled, ate a lot and spent some more time outside. After some time, it started to get cold, so we were wondering, where we should go. We then decided on going on a quick drive. Since Yanis didn’t drink, he drove. We just drove around a bunch, and talked some more in the car (obviously).

Once we were back, Josh and his girlfriend showed us some “secret spot” they had, called “the sex mountain”. Which, as the name might tell you, is a spot on a mountain, where not a lot of people get to, but has a nice view. Now during the day, it is way to open, but in the night, pretty much no-one will ever go there. So it’s a good spot. You also have a nice view over the “valley”, where we live.
When driving back from there, we went over some of-road streets. Since the car isn’t that high, we even scratched its bottom with the ground – nothing broke, luckily.

After that, Yanis went to the train station (because he didn’t want to drive home with his scooter) and then Josh drove the last like minute of the “trip”. (This was not too bad, since we only had like 7 beers over ~5-6 hours.) Once back, I too went home, watched some YouTube, and now I’m writing (to) you!

How Often Do I Think of my Ex? – pt.2

Unrelated to all that: I wrote yesterday, that I asked myself, how often I think of my ex. Today, I payed better attention to that, so I can say: It’s way more often, than I thought. Now, it’s not bad, but when we were talking, and grilling, I realised, all of this has some memories “connected” to her. So I thought at least like 10 times this evening. Or when seeing Josh with his girlfriend, asking myself if I made the right call, since now I’m single and I’d like that too…

Also, each time, I go to a place near where she lives, I hope 2 things. For one, that I don’t see her, and two, that I do see her. Which obviously makes no sense. It’s more like, I’d like to talk to her again, but also it’d be really weird, and painful (probably). So I’d also rather not do all that. You probably know what I mean(?).

Progress?

Somewhat related to that: Today was a day, where I thought, I might make myself a tinder profile, and see if I get a new girlfriend. Of course, I didn’t do it, but I was motivated to do it, which was like the first time in like a really long time. So I guess, this is some progress. The next girlfriend may come soon!

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So that’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Hello! Today was a pretty much wasted day … I studied for like 30 minutes (outside with beautiful weather) and otherwise didn’t do anything.

Well, I watched a LOT of YouTube. I finished this mini series, of A Goodwin TV reacting to “Kaguya-sama: Love is war”, so now I get this of off my head. All in all, I like his reactions, so it’s not the worst.

Also, in the afternoon, I texted Emiliana and I’m pretty sure, she opened my text on mistake, because she instantly opened it (after I didn’t respond for 1.5 days – lul). So I thought, that was kinda funny.

For dinner, I went shopping with my brother, so my sister would make pizza. In the store, I had a hard time convincing my brother, not to buy any useless shit. He was hungry, so he wanted to buy some chocolate. I talked him out of it with:” If you buy any of this, you have to pay, otherwise, I’ll pay”, which ended up working.

Also, I ditched a friends birthday “party” today. Well, it was not really a party, just some sausage for dinner (and probably some beers). But Josh couldn’t go, and Yanis only made it for a short time, so I didn’t really wanna go -> thus I didn’t.

Today, I also saw a video, of a guy from Los Angeles, who did a month without phone challenge. I thought, this was really nice. Like, he got an old phone, connected to the landline with a voicemail and all.
Maybe, I do that too sometime(?).

On a separate unrelated note: I often ask myself, how often I think of my ex. And I gotta say, this week was good, so only a few times a day. But at least once. That is because, she once told me, that if you use soap for your hair, you should wash it out cold-ish. So now every time I take a shower, I think of that.
But even with that, it’s maybe about +- 5 times (I guess) but way better than last week.

Also, in one of the commentary videos I saw this afternoon, Alex said something similar to: Your exes are having sex, but you don’t have to think about it, and make yourself worse.
Which I thought was nice to hear, since this (somewhat) was/is one of my struggles.

Anyway… That’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Until then, take care! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Morning – TA business

Dear Diary! Today, I woke up before my alarm went off, got ready (slowly) and then went to university for some TA business. It was mostly boring work there. I quickly went over the last exercise-sheet, and the next they have to do, and since no-one had any questions, I was basically done after 5 min. But sadly, we still had to be there, until the end of the hour, in case anyone had questions.

Of course, I was asked exactly one question, but right at the time, so that it took longer than the whole hour to answer. (I make it sound bad, but it really wasn’t…) Anyway, in the hour I was there, I just spent some time talking with the other TA. Was kinda awkward small-talk – just the way we all know it.

After that, I went home, had lunch. Apparently quite a lot, since I alone ate equally much, as the rest of my family. haha.

Afternoon – Correcting Outdoors & Cooking

In the Afternoon, I first watched some YouTube, and then I went outdoors for the corrections. It got like 19°C warm today, no clouds, but a bit windy. Still, good enough conditions for me, to spend some time outside of the house.

Then my sister came over to visit. She then stayed for dinner and helped me cook. (We made spaghetti bolgnese.) Since we didn’t have any onions at home, we also went to the store. So I had a quick drive with her car – and I gotta say, it drives way better, than the car we have at home to learn to drive.

Today, we also ate dinner outside. In the lowering sun over the horizon. Luckily, the wind lessened, so it wasn’t cold/chilly. Then, my mum helped me with the dishes.

Evening – Finishing corrections

After all that, I went back to my room, finished the corrections, and watched some YouTube. Now it’s already time to take a shower and go to bed.

Whole Day – Texting Struggles

As a quick intermission: Emiliana texted me today an impossible text to answer, so I didn’t respond until now. I also gotta think of a response. Life’s hard, man! But all joking aside: I feel kinda bad, since she started responding kinda quick, but I’m a slacker… Shit happens.

So that’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

During the day, I did only uni stuff. In the morning I went there, but went home again quickly. Then, they at home, forgot to call me, when lunch was ready, so I was late for that too.
In the afternoon, I watched some YouTube and solved some exercises for the complex analysis stuff.

But in the evening, was the special things happened. Josh, Yanis, their respective girlfriends and I went to the cinema. We watched the movie “Cidade de Deus” – some brazilian movie about the ghetto there (in the city of God). It was a good movie.

What are the main takeaways?
– In the beginning, there was a “original gang” of three members (adolescent), who had 2 kids help them. Then, they did a robbery in a motel, and one of the kids was supposed to be the guard. This kid was jealous of the three main-members, so he wrongly announced, that the cops were there, and as soon as the others left, he went in and killed all the victims. (For no reason, as the robbery was already done.)
This in turn, made the cops look closer for the culprits, and so the ghetto was closer policed by the police.
Also, this got one gang member killed by the police (accidentally) and one quit the gang. But the last one was left in all this violence / gangster shit.
– In the end, the violence never stops. It just got rolling, from the initial “Child-gang” and then kept on going, until there were literal gang-wars.

For me, the main takeaway is, that a lot of things are a slippery slope. For example, one ex-army guy joined the gang. In the beginning, he made sure, that there was no unjustified killing. Then, it took three times, where he killed (or someone was killed for his safety in a robbery) and from then on, this rule was thrown out of the window. (“After three times, the exception becomes the rule.”)

One more takeaway is, that a lot of these “come join the gang”-convincing is just people wanting to be with the cool guys and a mix of social pressure. For example, one kid wanted (somewhat) to join them. Then the gang had to stop some kids from stealing shit. So they took this boy who wanted to join, and forced him, to kill one of these kids. Of course, he couldn’t say “no”, because lots of the gang were pressuring into doing it – even though, he clearly didn’t want to do it.

Also, sex was a quite big factor in all of this. In one scene, one woman asked another, if she was ever “taken from behind”, which she was not. So she was given a tip. This was “it only hurts the first few times” and then “you heat up a banana a little, and then as you’re getting it from behind, you do it yourself with the banana in the front. The best feeling ever.”
Which I thought was oddly placed in the movie, but somewhat useful. Because she did it with one from the initial gang (cheating on her husband – who was the main snitch) got busted, and then killed. Which then removed the main snitch, and also got one of the initial gang killed.

One more notable thing is, that this movie is based on a true story. So this made all of that more impressive.

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But that’s now all for today! I wish you a good night, and I see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! I got woken up by my alarm, and was still quite tired. So I laid in bed for too long. Also, as today is Tuesday, the cleaning woman was over. So danger-zone outside! But I successfully managed to avoid her, with the sacrifice of my breakfast at home. Today, the weather was sunny, so I thought:” Nice, light jacket!” Boy was I wrong. It was windy like crazy. As soon as I left the house, I got cold. But I didn’t want to turn back, so I just went cold. Not too bad – tbh.

Once I arrived with the train, I bought me some chocolate bread as breakfast and then had my lecture of complex analysis. Nothing interesting there. Once the lecture was over, we headed to lunch, I had a “pizza con carde”… As you might guess, this wasn’t the best…

In the afternoon, I solved some exercises, helped Lorenzo with some, and talked a little with Benji. But as I was somewhat tired, I went home at like 15:30ish.

Once at home, I watched some YouTube, had dinner (some curry thingy) and then in the evening, I played some Trackmania &/ Blobby Volley with Daniel (until like midnight). After all that, I went and took a shower, and now I’m writing (to) you!

Feels & Memories

Yesterday, I forgot to tell you: I realized, I forgot some things about my ex. Nothing too important (probably(?)), but at least the name of her father and brother. I thought, this was mentionable. Probably because I still think quite often of her, but this means, I also started to forget.
In a way this is really good, but in some other way, this also made me sad. You know – forgetting isn’t really a nice thing… 🙁

Another thing that happened today was: I was gaming with Daniel, then the song “Cough” played. And (as I told you once before) this song has so many memories attached to it. This always messes with me. Obviously it also did today. But I realized quite quickly, so I changed the song, and I was “stuck in my head” for only like 2-3 minutes.
Also, gaming with Daniel must have helped. So that was nice!

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That’s all for today! Nothing more happened! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Take care! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today was another wasted day in my books. I spent like 30-60 min programing my deep learning assignment. So now I’m like 80% done. And to be honest, it’s way easier with chat-GPT. I don’t think it’s dumb to use this, since in the exam it most probably will be math stuff, and not the implementing part.

Also, today I watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time. The last few days, I listened to a lot of Disney music, so I decided, to watch Beauty and the Beast. The film was quite sweet. The process of them falling in love. But I think, it would have been better, if Belle didn’t see the painting of the beast in human form. Other than that, I found the naming of the servants quite funny. All these puns. Well “puns” – just the french words. Like Lumière for the candle figure.

Otherwise: the last few days, I wrote more often with Emiliana. But today morning, she wrote a real hard text to answer in a way, so she can answer as well, so I (somewhat accidentally) ghosted her for basically the whole day. Whoops!

Also, Diana asked, if I wanted to go to the volleyball nation cup winner. (Well not as direct as I write here, but still – you know) But I declined. I need a volley break!

Reflection on Diary-Writing

With today’s entry, this marks a quarter of the way until Silvester. So, I think it’s time for some reflection.

I do more and less than I thought

This might sound weird, but in a sense, I thought, I don’t do anything besides studying and volleyball. But with writing this diary, I saw, that I actually do quite a lot of things more. But still, most day not really anything more. (Except wasting time – obviously.)

Also, I often think of some quote something similar to: “You live as long as you’re not dead.” BUT do I? I’m not dead, but am I really living? I mean, I don’t do a lot. So I guess “living” means, doing things. So in turn, I’m not as alive as I could be.
But then I ask myself: “What should I be doing?”, and this I don’t know…

Formulate Philosophy

As probably most do, I also (sometimes) think about the deeper questions in life. You probably know this, if you’ve read this diary. I also did that, before writing. But then, I only just did it in my head, so now with me writing it down, it is way better formulated. Why’s that? Because, if I only think about these questions, I forget a lot of my thoughts again. But if I write them down, I have to really think about them, so it makes sense to the reader. With that, I don’t forget them as fast, so I make “more progress” thinking about them.

So my philosophical opinion progressed a lot faster than it usually does. This also had another, unexpected, effect. That is: When I got closer to my “answer” of what the meaning of life is, everything else was somewhat less meaningful. So I couldn’t motivate myself to do shit.
I also believe, this is in part responsible for my “not so interested in volleyball”-feeling lately. (Even though it’s kinda cringey to say it like that, but you know.)

Would I recommend?

Yes. Also, it’s just nice, because in the future, I have like a biography of myself. So you know – cool and shit.

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I’ll probably do some more reflection once the next quarter is over. Otherwise, I’m done for today! So I’ll see you again tomorrow! Take care! Bye-Bye!

Hello! First up, I’m gonna write a little more about yesterday, since I didn’t really do it well then!

I just now read what I wrote yesterday, and I gotta confess, I don’t really know what I meant haha! So I’ll try this again right now!

First, my day yesterday: We had the volleyball rank up game. Just one game, against a new opponent. Luckily for us, we had a lot of fans, who just happened to hate our opponent. So my enemies enemy is my friend like, they came to cheer for us. With that, we had a lot of fun during the game, and won easily a 3:0.

After that, we spent a little time in the shower (since it only had cold water – yuck) and drank some beer. After that, a few players of the team went out to eat dinner. Obviously I went with them as well.
After dinner, Daniel, Louis, Samuel, and I spent some more time drinking. I was really drunk. Shit was crazy.

Some time later, we went home. So I had to take my bicycle from the train station. Now: my ex had a bicycle of her own there, which I’ve seen basically each time, I went to the train station. But yesterday evening, it was gone.
So now the question is: Why now? I can’t really know, but I think she was on a journey, and now she’s back. In my head, I gave this way too much thought, so I thought that this (somewhat) symbolizes, that she closed this chapter. This would also make sense, considering her recent journey.
But in the end, I can never really be sure… But this was (symbolically speaking) quite an important thing in my head. So now this is gone, which also in turn means, I don’t get reminded of her so often.

That’s basically all from yesterday. So now to today:

My Day

Hello: Today, I didn’t really do much. Lol ey! Happens. I didn’t have a hangover, which surprised me, since I really drank a lot yesterday. So I just spent most of my day on YouTube.

In the evening, I booked some vacation with 8 other friends, some of which are from volleyball. We are going to Malta (in the summer).

That’s about all for today! Nothing more happened.

So, I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

Mx Day

Dear Diary! Rectently, (before, ) when oginf home, I saw that my ex’s biciylce was missing. For obvious reasons, I couldn’t take you to win this, but yeah…

Right now, I’m too drunk to tell any difference! So now I’m going to sleep£ See you again tomorrow! Bye!

Otherwise: We won the barrage today (in volleyball) so we we’ll play 3rd league next year! Nice!

Bye!