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My Day

Morning – Hospital & Gaming

Dear Diary! Today, I got up early (my alarm went off at 8am) and then went to the hospital. Nothing serious just some routine-ish check-up. Today, they did an ultrasound. Turns out, I’m all good. Nice!
During the ultrasound, the doctor tried to explain to me, what she saw. Too bad, I didn’t see anything. These are just some black and white images, with some curves moving around. Ain’t no meaning in any of this… At least, when I look at it.
Also, I gotta say, they have figured out, their queues. I arrived there, and like 3 min later, I already could move to my room, and then another 3-5 minutes later, the doctor came. So really fast. Which is always nice.

Once they were done, I went back home again. There, I didn’t really knew what I want to do, so I played some Trackmania. I still had to hunt this one map, where I didn’t get the AT-medal yesterday. With that, a quick 45 minutes vanished.

Afternoon – Gym & Driving to Pharmacy

After that, was lunch time, and during lunch Josh called me, to go to the gym with him. Of course, I didn’t see it during lunch, but thereafter. So then I went to the gym with him after lunch.
Today, I had an easy session. Like a “welcome back”-session. I just benched, bicep curled and shoulder pressed. So this took a quick hour, and I got back home again.

Some time later, I went to the nearest pharmacy with my mom. I drove (of course) and today was a terrible driving day from my side. I nearly crashed once, and my gear-shifting wasn’t on point either. Nonetheless, we made it in one piece to the pharmacy and back home again.

After all that, I spent some time on YouTube until dinner.

Evening – Hair Cut

Once dinner was over, I had a haircut. That is: My brother and I cut each others hair, so we did that. Today was probably the best hair cutting day we’ve ever had. We both look okayish. Usually, it’s quite bad (haha). And also, it only took like 1 hour 45 minutes to do it. Which is faster than usual. But we had fun, and that’s all that matters – yess.

After that, I spent some more time on YouTube, texted a little with Emiliana, took a shower, and now I’m writing (to) you.

So that’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Until then! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I woke up pretty early (because my alarm rang…). Then I was too tired, since early morning, so I spent some time, just doing nothing. Until lunch. Well, I spent like 5 min studying words for complex analysis.

Then after lunch, I corrected the hand ins from the students. This took like most of the afternoon. Also, I watched some movie reaction to “Aladdin” which is a banger movie – and then I listened to Disney music. I think, that was really good for my mental health, since you can’t really be sad, while listening to this music.

Then, Daniel and I played some video games. At first, just some blobby-volley, and then Trackmania.

I had a small break for dinner. We ordered some tacos. But these weren’t good tacos, but they were edible nonetheless.

After dinner, I got back to Trackmania with Daniel. Until like 1am.
So today I played for like 6 hours.

Surprisingly, it felt like a good day. Is not always the case, if I don’t do a lot.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Morning

Dear Diary! In the morning, I got up at 9 o’clock, and headed to uni. I had one hour of complex analysis lecture, and then I went back home, since like that, I can re-use my train ticket. The lecture was good – I answered one of two questions (nerd) and it went over rather quickly.

Lunch & Afternoon – Studying & YouTube

On the train ride home, I already solved one of the 5 exercises, for next week. At home, I watched some YouTube, had dinner, and then in the afternoon, I did some cyclic studying – YouTube thing.
The studying part went really well. I solved 3 more exercises, so now only the crazy hard one is left over (which I’m probably not gonna do).

Late in the afternoon, I started cooking for the fam. Today, I made Flammkuche (a pizza like food, except other things on top). This took like 1.5 hours, since I made about 5 whole baking trails worth. For the dough, I just winged it with the ingredients. I knew, like 1Kg of flour, and then the rest I freestyle’d.
But I liked it in the end, so it was worth it.

Evening – Volleyball & Bad Thoughts

After dinner, I had volleyball practice. We were 12 players, so it was quite fun. Also good, since this was our last practice before the promotion match on Saturday.

After practice, I walked alone to the train-station, and then I had some bad thoughts. That is more precisely a whole chain of thoughts.
1. Emiliana crying on the train station -> me going to cheer her up
2. Any random person crying -> me going to cheer them up
3. Someone trying to commit suicide -> me saving them
4. Someone trying to commit suicide -> me saving them, but dying in the process.

Once I realized this, I tried to stop this chain of thoughts, but yeah. This marks like the 3th/4th time I had suicidal thoughts, this winter. Luckily those weren’t too bad.

Going to Bed

Anyway: Back at home, I ate a bit, and then watched YouTube and now I’m writing (to) you. So that’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

P.S. Emiliana ghosted me today again. We texted pretty good the last few days, but today she didn’t respond. Well, only once in the morning, but not since then.

My Day

Today short form, since I already am in bed, and nearly forgot to do it, so now I’m writing on my phone.

wake up tired -> some “bad” thoughts -> go to unk -> lecture good – answer the profs questions like a lil nerd.

dinner: pizza with lorenzo and some more friends

afternoon: solve some exercises, then probability theory lecture. Prof is some russian guy. Has a real smoth voice, but a broken language – so it’s hard to focus -> nearly fell asleep.

after that: go home. At home watch youtube till dinner

after dinner: try to do some more exercises, can’t really focus, cuz ex thoughts, so don’t do too many. Also watch some YouTube to distract.

after that: take shower, jerk off -> bleed out of my dick??? Probably tore some skin of – not too bad tho. So i just ignored it…

now in bed writing to you. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Initially, I wanted to study, like a good student, and then go to volleyball practice in the evening. Too bad tho, not enough people would come to practice, so we canceled it. This was already in the afternoon. So that means, I knew, that I’d have a free evening, so my motivation to study plummeted…

That means, this afternoon, I didn’t study a lot (listened to 2 lectures) but saved all the exercises for the evening. What a nice plan, isn’t it?

So in the evening, I also watched too much YouTube, and then I finally got to the exercises. They weren’t too difficult, but I had to figure out, how to do them, because I had to code in C, which I have never really done. But it’s nice.
In the end, I don’t even know, if I did it correctly, since I’m not sure, what the expected output is and shit.. But yeah, at least I’m done with them (since I have a team-partner who finishes them – sui).

So now it’s already late at night, and I’m soon going to sleep.

Feels

But contrary to what that sounds like, my day was pretty shit. I don’t know exactly what is going on, but I just can’t focus. My thoughts always shift to my ex, and things we did together. And then, I feel sad, and have to distract myself.

Today, it got to new peaks. Most of the time, I couldn’t even listen to music, since 1. I usually listen to music I like, which remains the same over longer periods; so 2. I have a lot of memories connected to a lot of songs, so… I think you see where I’m going.

The worst part is: I don’t really know, how to stop it. My mind wanders of, and then I feel this sad part in me, my heart begins to race, and I begin to zone (at least, if I don’t distract myself like a mad man…). So, all in all, today was shit.

Even right now, I don’t even listen to anything, and usually, I have music in my ears all day every day.

Because of that, I’m also kinda pissed at myself. Like hello??? Stop doing that! It ain’t helpin nobody!

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So that’s it for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today I woke up without a hangover. This was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one! But did I do anything today? No!

Just watched some Los Ratones (they had & won EU-Masters today) otherwise some funny xqc clips.

Didn’t study, but was also tired, since I got up at like 9:30ish. So not too much sleep. (If I recall correctly, I got to bed at like 3:45am.)

When watching these (some) xqc clips, he said in one smth about horny thoughts and sharing those in stream, and if you don’t do it (as a streamer) you’re a pussy. (haha) But sadly, I gotta confess: I didn’t really do this here in my diary… So I guess, if it’s something noteworthy, I’d mention it now(?).

That’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! I gotta confess. I didn’t write this entry on the 22nd. You’ll see why soon. So anyway, what did I do?

During the day, I didn’t do a lot. But in the evening, the party really got started. I went out with Josh, Yanis & their respective girlfriends. At first, we went to some bar, near the local river. So we sat outside.

There, we “planned” our vacation (Josh, Yanis & I) for this summer. I don’t wanna spoil you, so I don’t tell you.

After all that, we went to some food place, and ate. I had a döner kebab which – for a big boy like me – was not enough. So I was still kinda hungry even after eating.

After eating, we went to Yanis’ place and begun to drink. First we were just drinking and talking, but then we started to play some game, to drink faster. The game was: One person has a card, with the questions. (The questions were always: Word beginning with letter _ and some synonym / definition.) Then, if you aren’t the one, answering quickest, you have to take a sip.
So then, a lot of drinking happened there – super fast.

Once we were done pre-gaming, we went to a club. It was a 90ies party (one one floor) & on the other floor, there was some house. The club was OK, nothing really great (at least for me) but I don’t really like clubs, so it’s not too special.

In the club, we had a few more drinks & shots, and then got to the dancing part. Was actually quite fun.

We stayed at the club until like 2:30ish (I believe – got kinda blacked out). Then, we joinked some guard rail bands(?) for no good reason… So now we have some rope – neat!

Then, we took a night-bus home. In the bus, I did some oversharing to josh, about my mental health… happens. Actually, it was the classic. We listened to music, both with one air pod of him, but connected to the same phone, and then some talking.

Once we arrived at the correct stop, we (obviously) got out, and then I did some bad thing. I had my debut as a drunk driver. It was not bad tho. (Not the drunk driving, but where I drove!) I just stayed on the train station place, where no-one and nothing was, besides us. Then I just drove once forth and back. Then I got out, and drove home with my bicycle.

At home, I was too drunk & tired to do anything, so I just fell asleep (I think…)

My Day

Morning & Afternoon – Correcting at University

Dear Diary! Today, I had to get up early. Well – early for me at least. That means, my alarm rang at 7:45am. I got up like 5 minutes later, and then headed to the university. Today, we had some exams to correct.

It certainly was a breeze. We were 3 people correcting, and only had 16 exams. This means, not too much work ahead. In the end, it took until like 15:45.
Anyway, for lunch, I went to “Rice Up” for the first time in my life. This is some takeaway rice store. I had mine with some grilled chicken, sweet corn and some red curry sauce. It was actually quite good; and the portion size was not too bad either. Too bad, it cost 17 bucks…

Back to the corrections: The students were terrible. Here my (our) 2 most cherished mistakes:
1. (Concerning sets, and their complement in some Universe.) Given the set \(X=\{1,2,3\}\), then \(\bar{X}=\{3,2,1\}\)
2. (Defining a/the universe:) Let universe \(U=6\)…
So most of the students (~2/3) failed again. But lucky for us, a lot of them, didn’t even try to solve some exercises, so we were faster with the corrections.

After all the corrections were done, I went home with the train. Coincidentally, I met Louis in the train, so I went home with him. We talked some, and yeah!

At home, I was pretty much done with work for today, so I just watched some YouTube. Since I was quite tired, I nearly fell asleep like 3 times just before dinner.

Evening – YouTube & Ways to Meet People

After dinner, I was more awake (less tired) since food -> energy. So I spent all this energy on some more YouTube watching. Then I saw some videos, about guys, trying to make friends in weird ways; strangers to come to some BBQ-party; or going from door to door, to find someone for whom they can cook, and then eat with them. Which I thought was a great idea. Especially the last one.
(The last one) I could also imagine as some activity with a girlfriend or some.

The one (obvious) thing, that came out was: A lot of people are chill, if you take time to meet them. (Probably most…)

Emiliana Replied – whaaat

Otherwise, Emiliana texted finally. Yeyyy. She wrote
– “Oh myyy, I just ignored you”
– [answer to previous texts]
And tbh, the more I think about it, the funnier I find this message. Like, what does this mean exactly? Is this some excuse? Is she just hanging around with the biggest brain-fog? Is this a “in case it wasn’t obvious”? Is it trying to be a joke?
No Idea. but yeah – kinda funny.
(She wrote at like 7pm, but I didn’t answer yet – didn’t feel like texting & didn’t really know, what to write. Since tired -> a little passively aggressive, so it’s probably for the better(?).)

Feels

Today was another bad day. the “beginning” of the day was good (like no sad feeling / thinking of ex), then suddenly while talking about some specific corrections, it begun. I had the biggest flashback, and from then on, it was like that quite often. So, just feeling sad/ sorry/ down/ etc. Not good.
Probably, it was worse today, since I didn’t sleep that much. At least I hope it’s that.
Oh, I also have another theory: The hornier I get, the more I think about my ex. Sounds weird, but I didn’t jerk of the last 2 days, and I believe, my dick gets somewhat more control, with enough testosterone in my blood. (haha)

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That’s all for today – enough foolish theories. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Until then! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Morning – Exercise Hour at Uni

Today, after I woke up, I headed to uni. I had some TA business. At first, I had my exercise hour. There, I had to present some solutions to the class. Unluckily for me, they asked a lot of questions.
Then I had to explain twice, how to compute some expected value. (How often to draw dice, until you get two 6 in a row.) Even after my second explanation, half of the students were still majorly confused. But I did a small trick, and asked the students, if they still don’t get it – to which of course no-one said yes, so I could move on (haha).
(After I was done with standing infront of the class, I went to them, and explained it to them again. Now, (or rather then) all of them claimed to get it. SUI)

Lunch Break – Eating Outside

Once this exercise-hour was over, I had lunch. Today, I just went to some grocery store, and took 2 sandwiches (since they didn’t have anything that good looking…). I ate this outside, alone since Louis thought it’d be better to have lunch with some female instead of me – smh!

Afternoon – Exam supervision

After my lunch break outside, I had to supervise the repetition exam from the discrete math lecture. It were only 16 students, and we were 3 people. So not too shabby.
But for my supervision I didn’t really do much. I just took my iPad, sat behind the student who cheated last time, and then started correcting some hand-ins of the students from this morning.

Once the exam was over, I went home. I had like 1 hour until I had to leave again. In this time, I watched some YouTube, and nearly finished all of my corrections.

Evening – Volleyball Game

Where did I have to go? We had a volleyball match today. The last with the mixed team. What a relief. To be honest: The match went terribly (haha). It was still kinda fun tho. (We had a quick 3:0 loss.)
Funnily enough, I also saw Emiliana there. She had some individual-meetings with her players. (She’s still ghosting me via text.) So I found that kinda funny.

After the game, we went to some bar-like thing near the gym, and had something to eat &/ drink. (I just had a small portion of fries.)
We also talked a little, but there was nothing really to talk about – yeah!

After that, I went home, re-watched today’s LosRatones League match, finished correcting the students exercises, and now I’m writing (to) you!

Feels

I think, I might have a light depression. Reason being, I’m not really motivated to do anything, and also am kinda sad lately…
But nothing concrete. I don’t even know, what counts as a “light depression” or if this even exists. But yeah – I’m feeling kinda sad lately.
(Mostly because of alone, but sad because of ex memories and shit. You know what it’s like…)

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So that’s about all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Until then – Bye-Bye!

My Day

Morning – University

Woken up by the sun, great start in the day. Got ready, and then went to university. I only had lectures for 45 min. so I went home also rather quickly there after.
In the lecture, the prof. asked a question, and after a few seconds, after no-one answered, he looked hopefully to me – the savior of all the students; mhm. But it took me too long, to come up with the answer, so someone else answered before me.

Afternoon – Orb, Flashcards & Cooking

Back at home, I had lunch and then I continued to watch the anime “Orb” as I told you yesterday. I watched like 6 episodes, but then it got kinda boring. Also, all the “main characters” keep dying of, since the church kills them. So it was kinda hard to remain interested.
Also, in this anime, they tortured some persons. And I found it really hard to watch that. All this, even if it was only “painted”. Still hurt, if they for example pull someones teeth out.

After I got bored, I created some anki flashcards of the complex analysis lecture. So from now on, I can study with them – nice!

Today, was my day to cook dinner – which I did, after I was done with my flashcards. With the help of my mom, we made curry-rice. Super easy meal. Didn’t even take that long.

Evening – Dishes & Volleyball Practice

After dinner, I made the dishes with my mom, spent some time on YouTube, and then went to volleyball practice.

Today’s practice should have been good, since 11 people were registered, but only 9 showed up. So no 6-6-gaming… After all, we still played a lot and had some fun.

After that, I went home, re-watched the LosRatones League-of-Legends match from today, and now I’m writing (to) you.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Take care! Bye-Bye!