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My Day

Today I woke up, and as usual, wanted to go to the bathroom. So I got out of bed, walked out of my room, and then: Horror! It’s Tuesday. -> Cleaning lady is over -> Danger-zone out there. So I quickly got back into my room.
Luckily, she was not on the same floor as I, so I could go to the toilet, brushed my teeth, and then went to university.

In the train, on my way to university, I replied to Emilianas text, to which she still hasn’t replied yet. I think, I might not respond myself soon, since it’s gotten weird(?) lately. And to be frank, kinda annoying. I know, it’s kinda weird of me but still. It’s not like I “deserve” a response.
So yeah, probably stop texting with her. All tough it’s (sometimes) quite fun…

So once I was in university, I had a lecture of complex analysis. I successfully answered his questions once again. I don’t know what is going on with me, but I seem to be on a roll with this complex analysis lecture.

After this lecture, I went to dinner with Lorenzo and some more (of his) friends from uni. Well – most of them I know, because obv, so they are kinda my friends as well (I guess).

In the afternoon, I spent all my time trying to solve the one remaining exercise from the complex analysis sheet. Sadly, I couldn’t do it. But for my luck, Benji was also there, so I spent some time talking with him.

Also, Lorenzo asked me a few questions, so I helped him some. His questions were about the exercises I had already solved, so to me they weren’t the hardest. And then suddenly, whilst helping him, I had some flashbacks of my ex. This was quite weird. So that made me feel somewhat sad. But to my fortune, these feelings left quickly!

Benji, Lorenzo and I also had a afternoon break, when we went to a nearby gelateria. I had an ice cream of 2 flavors – stratcciatella and pear. The stratcciatella is an easy choice, but then I thought, I might as well try a new one once. So I tried the pear flavor. Was it good? Not particularly, but it certainly wasn’t bad either. But I think, next time, I won’t take that again…

After that, we went back, I tried some more with my exercises, but then went home.

At home, I booted up YouTube, and then watched some videos. For dinner, I had the same as for lunch, which was unlucky. But to be fair, pasta with tomato sauce isn’t too weird to have twice in a day.

After dinner, I watched some more YouTube, and got actually quite bored of it. I started to block out a lot of not interesting content (which I usually watch), and who would have thought, I don’t watch anything else! WHAAAAAAT!
So then I coded my line integral solver, and solved my problem numerically – a real compsci major thing to do.

Also I started to watch an anime. This is “Orb: On the Movements of the Earth”. It’s a story in 15th(?) century Poland, and it’s about the discovery of the heliocentric model for our solar system. How this discovery impacted certain people; and how the church is trying to not let that happen.
Sounds not too interesting, but I might watch it still… Maybe I don’t? We’ll see.

So now, that’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Take care and see you then! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today was mostly doing nothing. I listened some parts of some podcasts, and watched a lot of YouTube…

Then, in the evening I had volleyball practice. Today, it was easy money. Initially, we had planned to be 12 players, but then one didn’t show up. What a bummer! So we were only 11 players. Not too bad still. Today, we played a lot. Well, that is: We only played.
It was fun, but the skill wasn’t really around toady. But it was fun still – which is what matters!

After that, I went home, and wasted some more time. Really annoying. I think, I’ll block YouTube soon. Hopefully, I can then get some things done.

Otherwise: Emiliana texted me today. But that’s not all. Yesterday, I told you, that we were in this stalemate position. Today, she broke it! That means, she started another topic. (Also, it was during a coach meeting of the female teams. So she was maybe just bored, but yeah…)

On a somewhat unrelated note: Today, I watched a video, where the creator asked some people on the street if they have a crush on someone, and if they do, he challenged them to call them and ask for a date. And I gotta say: This made me really joyous. Watching them, being nervous, starting to sweat a little, then she picks up, they awkwardly asked her out, and then she says “yes”. Hardly anything better than that.
So I watched this video with a smile! So I thought, I would kinda like to do that, but sadly: 1. I don’t have that real of a crush; and 2. the one closest has a boyfriend. So this leads nowhere…
Maybe soon! Who knows…

That’s it for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Until then! Take care! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I did nothing. Watched a lot of YouTube, and that’s about it…

I didn’t even think about anything particularly interesting. Truly, a wasted day.

Well, I watched some videos about apes. (One about Gorillas, and one about Gibbons.) This was quite interesting.
For example, he “showed” how these apes have a sense of humor. Quite funny. Also some more things, but you’d have to look for yourself!

As already mentioned, nothing interesting happened today… So I’ll see you again tomorrow, hopefully with a more interesting story to tell.

P.s. Emiliana and I currently have this stalemate position in texting, that neither of us is saying anything in each message, but we both (kinda) still answer every time. So today it was like 1 message of me (and her) haha. We do this, even though we both know, that we see each others message instantly. (For example, I know, that she has an apple watched, so she sees every message instantly. And she probably knows, that I check my phone quite often, especially when it vibrates – haha)

But now, it’s time to go to sleep. Until tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Most of the day, nothing had happened. The only mentionable thing is: Emiliana texted me this afternoon. Otherwise, nothing really happened. I listened to some podcasts, watched a lot of YouTube and yeah. That’s about it…

But after dinner, I met with at Yanis flat with Pete, Josh and Ellie (and Yanis’ girlfriend obviously). We had a few beers, and talked a lot.

Pete had his first date (in his life – I believe). It didn’t go as good as he had hoped, but not terrible, since they’ll probably meet again.

Otherwise: Josh & Ellie arrived later (since they were skiing today). And at one point, Josh asked me, if I was already actively in the dating game. To be frank: I don’t even know myself.

I played a little “meditation game” with Josh’s GF. (Basically, we just picked cards with “deep” quotes on them and then read them.)

Otherwise, nothing really mentionable happened.

So that’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow. Until then – take care – Bye-Bye!

(I know, today was a bit shorter, but I still have to shower, and it’s late, and I’m tired, so shit happens.)

My Day

Dear Diary! Happy pi day, as the mathematician in me would say. 3.1415926535… wow! Super cool! (not really…)

Enough of that! What did I actually do today? Well, first, I woke up quite early. But then (just like yesterday) I was still to tired, so I stayed in bed for some more time. Today though, wasn’t as easy to fall back asleep as yesterday. I laid awake in bed for 30-45 min. and listening to music, before falling back asleep.

So then I got up at like 11:15-ish. And of course, as I usually do these days, I didn’t do that much. So then: YouTube -> Lunch -> Some more YouTube.

Driving to Pharmacy

But then in the afternoon, I had a short car drive. Since I don’t have my drivers license yet, my mum came with me. We had to go to the pharmacy, since I needed my Crohn’s disease medication.
Nowadays (for like the next few months) they have some road work, so we had to take a quite big detour. Which I didn’t mind, since this meant, that I got to drive a little more! To be completely honest: My driving was way better than expected. I mean, a little bit shaky at first, but after some time, it nearly went back to normal. Considering, that I haven’t driven in like 1-2 months, I’m happy with that. Also, at home, I have to park backwards, and today, my backwards parking was probably the best it ever was.

Math Lessons for Leah

Anyway. After that, I solved one quick exercise, and then wasted some more time on YouTube until dinner. During dinner, we were talking about somethings, and one thing led to another, and so Leah was interested in getting a short math session. The big plan is, that she wants to know, how to proof \(0 \cdot a=0\) for all \(a \in G\). So today, I explained to her, what groups are (with some examples for her to “solve”) and tomorrow we’ll get to rings, and then to the final proof. (Maybe…)

Once that was over, I spent some more time on YouTube, and listened to one more podcast, so not too bad (I guess) but yeah. Definitely not good either.

After that, I took a shower, and now I’m writing (to) you!

Thinking about Ex – More Common?

Today was worse. Not as bad as yesterday, but definitely worse than in the last two weeks. Especially once this afternoon. It just randomly hit me, when I was trying to solve a math exercise. Really annoying, since then I can’t (really) think anymore, it makes me feel (super) sad, and then I have to do something to change my thoughts…

I hope this stops soon again. It’s probably gonna take a few days though… Nothing really to do about that…

Texting update concerning Emiliana

As I (probably) told you, I’m texting Emiliana until she doesn’t reply. And today was (sorta) the day. That means: I texted her this morning, and she hasn’t responded yet. So one whole day without a text. A new record! To be fair, she hasn’t opened the text yet, and I wrote an un-answerable text. So I’m eager to find out, if (and/or what) she texts me tomorrow! (If tomorrow at all)

If she doesn’t reply, I can claim the victory for myself. Wow, really impresive! Winning in a game, only I can win, and no-one else knows about! What a time to be alive!

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That’s all for today! I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Getting up early -> back to sleep again -> Lunch

Correcting my students hand in’s & watching YouTube

Don’t have dinner at home, because they ate late (because my sister and her husband came over) and we had coach-meeting today.
Usually, the coach meeting is quite boring, so for today, I packed a pen and 1 sheet of paper, and then with some friends, we played this game, where you fold the paper-sheet, and then each person paints one part, without letting the others know what it looks like. Then in the end, we got a funny looking character.

But what did we even talk about at the coach-meeting? I don’t really know… I learned, that the people from there, aren’t good at discussing things. Particularly two of them, just can’t do it. I don’t get them. They just don’t discuss important things. And if they “do”, they don’t handle the problem, always only with the particular cases. So annoying, if you try to solve a general problem.
Also, one important thing in this meeting was, who trains when, and I raised my (my teams) issues, but as usual, no-one really tries to solve them. It’s always like “we hear you” / “we see what we can do”. But then in the end, nothing changes.

All in all: I don’t think, anything really useful was solved today.

After that, Emiliana drove Daniel and me to the train station. Funnily enough, she also complained about one of the 2 culprits which I have a problem with – so now I know, that I’m not the problem :thumbsup: . And with that, we all went home.

At home, I cooked myself some pasta, ate dinner, and then went into my room. I watched some YouTube, finished correcting the students things. After that, I took a shower, and now I’m writing (to) you!

Ex Thoughts

Today, at the coaches-meeting, the classic point of “not enough refs” came up. And my ex is one of the remaining refs in the club. So she obviously came up.

Now, this was (at least felt) super awkward for me. Every time I feel as if I’m heating up, and then (obviously) no-one talks to me, so I just feel weird.
The important part being: They said, that she doesn’t know, since she’s currently on vacation and thinks of moving out.

Now, what does this mean for me? Objectively speaking: nothing. But at home, I (of course) couldn’t really stop thinking about that.

Here’s one more weird part. I get really jealous¹, when I think of her, having sex with other dudes. It just somehow feels (a little) as if she’s cheating on me. Well, not exactly that, but in some way exactly like that.
And to take it one step further: I think, the “worst” for me would be, if she’d have sex with a black guy. Can’t exactly say why… Just… I think it’s about dick-size. I don’t know maannn…
It just feels… a little unmaning to me. Like, I don’t know. It also doesn’t even make sense. But still. Feelings don’t really have to make sense. They just are!

At home, I listen to “Cough (Odo)” by “Kizz Daniel“, which I was listening to often, back when we used to date. And this brought up quite a lot of memories of her. Like, for instance, we once went away on a spa trip (for a weekend). Like, when we were traveling there. In the bus, sitting next to each other, cuddling a little, and listening to this song. Or when we went on a hike to some mountain lake.
And also some more memories of when we went to Tenerife together. We had a really good time… (For me, in the beginning not so much, but then in the end, it was really good…) Some memories of us in our hotel room, enjoying the view, traveling around, and so on.

So when the song came up, this suddenly made me feel really bad. I felt a hard weight on my chest, and felt my breathing getting erratic, and I felt a little like crying. This all was then too much, so I took my daily shower to get out of my spiral. Luckily, this helped nearly all of my problems.

Just had to get this off my chest.

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That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Until then, Bye-Bye!

1. Maybe, jealous isn’t the correct word, but it comes down to one thing I once said already. The quote from Ryan (the office): “I don’t want to be with her but I can’t bear the thought of her being with anyone else. What should I do?”
   This also is really weird, but yeah. ↩︎

My Day

Dear Diary! Today I woke up super early. That is 7:30am, which is 1.5 hours before my alarm. So I then took a look at the clock, went to the toilet, and then back to sleep. For the 2nd time, I got up, when my alarm rung. So at about quarter to 9. Oddly enough, I was more tired than before, but yeah.

Once I got up, I packed all my things and then went to uni. I had another complex analysis lecture. Lorenzo wasn’t here today, so I sat with some of his friends. It was somewhat weird at first (since I don’t really know them) but then it turned out not too bad. I mean, we didn’t really talk for most part, but then at the end of the exercise-hour we kinda started working together.

Looking at the Applied Math Exam

After this, I went and took a look at my corrected applied math exam. As it turns out, my mistakes were: 1. sloppy mistakes and 2. not showing enough. In the end it didn’t really matter… They couldn’t even tell me, how much more was needed for a better grade, so I didn’t learn a lot from that – was still interesting tho.

Afternoon – Exercises

Then, I went home and had lunch. In the afternoon, I watched some YouTube, got bored quite quickly, so then I solved 3/5 complex analysis problems, and then listened to a podcast.
The podcast was about Forrest Galante, which is some biologist who searches extinct animals. And of course has some crazy stories to tell.

So with all that, the afternoon was quickly over. I then had dinner – curry rice. After that, I had still some time to spare, and then made myself ready for volleyball practice.

Volleyball

Volleyball practice was good. We combined teams with the U20-team, so we were enough people. Then, we pretty much played the whole time.

After that, Daniel and I showered for about 30min and then went home with the train.

Tax Forms

Once I was at home, I ate some sandwiches, and then filled out some tax forms. It took longer than expected. (Like 45 minutes – and I still have some documents which I have to search…) But it’s good, that I started with that!

Now, I’m writing (to) you, and soon I’m going to bed!

Fewer Texts from Emiliana -> Feels Bad

I was saying (a few days ago) that I think of no more texting Emiliana. But today, she only texted me like twice. And I have to admit: For me, claiming not being interested / thinking of not texting her, this hurt more than expected.
Now don’t get me wrong. On a usual day we send like 4-6 texts per person, so it’s not that big of a difference, but still…

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That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I woke up from a sex dream. Not really surprisingly, in my dream I had sex with my ex. Luckily, I woke up, before I climaxed. So not too bad.
“Not surprisingly”: actually, it is quite surprising. Well not too much, since she’s the only one I’ve ever had sex with, but lately, I didn’t think often about (the time with) her. So it may be a little surprising.

Anyway: I woke up pretty early. Like 8:30-45am. Which was even before my alarm was going off. I then laid awake in bed until I got up. Then, once I got up, I was scared to leave my room, because the cleaning-lady was over, so I stayed in my room. Then, like an idiot, I turned on my PC, and watched some YouTube videos. Like, even so early in the morning? WHYY?

University

Not too long after that, I left and went to my uni, for the complex analysis lecture. There I met with Lorenzo, and we listened to the lecture together (?). Today was another good day for my lecture-self. The professor asked 4 questions, and I answered 2. This made me feel good – yey!

After the lecture I went home, and ate lunch.

Becoming a Podcast Enjoyer?

In the afternoon, I initially wanted to study, but I ended up not doing that. Why?, you may ask. Because I’m an addict. At least, I didn’t just watch some boring videos, but I started with something new. That is: podcasts. I think, I’m evolving into a podcast listener. Today, I listened to an episode of the Joe Rogan podcast with David [forgot last name] (some artist – asian with blond hair).
This guest had some whacky stories to tell. Like when he went to Congo or some other places, and crazy shit he lived through. Also, he’s an artist through and through. And I gotta say, a lot of things, that he said are somewhat weird. For example, he himself has/had a podcast, where he did some episodes with very uncommon guests. Like, once he had an episode with “yellow” as the guest, and he imagined himself to be the color blue. So, quite weird shit.

While listening to the podcast, I solved some Sudoku’s in order to have something to do, which needs my brain a little, but not too much. yeahh

Saving a (useless) snail(?)

Then I had dinner, and after that, nothing new happened. Ah – I saw a video of “mossy earth” (YT-channel) and they tried to save some snail from going extinct. Now, I think, this is just a wast. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against snails, but they spend a lot of money on snails, which are not even on the main land, but on some small island, and not that important to the ecosystem there. (At least I believe that, since in the video they said:” Everything has it’s own role in the ecosystem” – so a nothing really expression.)
I think, this money would be way better used for something big. Like bisons – or some other big animal. Because, at least in my head, the big animals are more important. (Since they have a greater impact (since they are literally bigger) and there are less of them…)

That’s about all that happened today, I think.

Weird feelings about Emiliana

Crush on who / what

You may know, I introduced her to you as my crush. But I’m not so sure, if this is actually true anymore. Because, I don’t really think of her like this. Mainly, if I think of her, I imagine it would be nice to date the idea of her instead of actually her.
You may ask:” What’s the difference?”. I can’t really answer that, it just feels different.
Maybe, it’s like, it’s not really her, I have a crush on, just some idea in my head. Ergo, I have a crush on no-one(?).

Would I do her?

And unrelated to that, but of the same theme: You might have seen some videos of boyfriends challenging their partners to text their male friends to see if they would be “down to fuck”, so to speak. (This challenge’s main purpose is to proof that male friends just want to fuck.)
(I don’t know why I think of this so often, but it just happens:) I’ve been thinking a lot lately: What would I answer if Emiliana asked me that. And my answer is: “Well yes, but actually no”. Since, as long as she still has a boyfriend, that’s a definite no from me.
But then I ask myself the follow-up question: Would I date her? And I don’t know… If she has a boyfriend, then the answer remains unchanged, but if she doesn’t, I wouldn’t even know… Probably yes, but I’m not so sure anymore. It’s weird.

I don’t know, but when I think of her, I usually think of her as an adult-woman. I don’t even know, what that means, but yeah. Just wanted to say that. Probably, it just isn’t some childish love like thing with her. (At least in my head, which has a lot of lore behind all of that. haha)

Conclusion(?)

In conclusion: I don’t even know, if I do have a crush on her. Anyway, I’m still kinda texting with her, but only on really slow pace. Like 4-5 messages per person a day. So not really texting, but maybe I’ll keep it up – maybe I don’t… I’ll keep you posted.

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So; that’s all for today. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow! Take care, and see you then! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! Today, I woke up early, which made me happy. Then, I had a small breakfast (chocolate milk) and watched some LosRatones. So then lunch was just right around the corner.

Today, my mom and I were mostly alone, (since we ate late and my brother had to leave early). So I had a tête-à-tête with her. She was really tired, because she did most of the things for my sisters birthday yesterday.

Afternoon and Dinner

After lunch, I did some studying (solved some complex analysis exercises) and then watched some more YouTube. I also had to prepare a practice session, since we might have some more matches.

Then, after most of that was done, it was already late afternoon. Quarter past 5. I already saw the sun beginning to set. I wanted to ask my mom if I should cook dinner (since she said something close to that yesterday), but when I got to her room, she was sleeping on the couch, in the warm sun. Of course, I didn’t wake her up, but started to cook. I made an easy meal today. Just some spaghetti with an arrabiata sauce. Turned out not too bad – but it’s also hard to mess this up.

After dinner, my mom helped me with the dishes, since she (we all) know, that I hate doing that, and I’m also super slow with them. We were done swiftly, I got ready for volleyball practice.

Volleyball Practice

Initially, Samuel told me, he would drive to practice, and we’d meet at 35 at the train station. I got there in time. It was beautiful weather. Some clouds, but still kinda warm. Since I was a bit early, I waited there. The time showed 7:35 but Samuel was still no where to be seen. So I waited some more. A few minutes later, I decided to call him. Turns out, he mistakenly thought, practice was an hour later. So we were late.

Also, on our way there, we saw some guy on his bicycle with a wooden cart. On this cart was another bicycle. We found it funny and joked, that he was a bicycle thief.
Funnily enough, Leon was also in the car with us, and his bicycle was stolen just last week. So we told him, he should go ask this guy for advice for his new bicycle.

None the less, practice was still good. We were only 8 players (including me) but that made it easier for the team creations. Other than that, nothing notable about today’s practice happened.

Jokes

After practice, we went home again, but I also made one more banger joke. We were in the car (Samuel, Leon and I) and I had a sports jacket of someone in Emiliana’s team. So I told them, I had to drop this of at her house (since we drive past that anyway. They (obviously) asked me, why I have this jacket (since they didn’t know, it wasn’t hers). To which I replied with:” She forgot that at my place” and then they both in perfect sync:” She was at your place??” haha!

Other than that, nothing important had happened today. Just some more YouTube, and I’m ready for bed quite early. I started with my writing’s even before midnight. This is a rare occurrence – but a welcome one to be sure. Since I got a little sidetracked, I’m only finishing it now (1 hour later) but at least I’m doing it!

Try writing more Lively

On a separate but unrelated note: I think, I’ll try writing better. More concretely I mean, that I use more figurative examples. And also write, how it felt and so on. Basically try to tell my story in a lively matter.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

My Day

Dear Diary! I woke up at like 10am. It was a sunny day. Not as good as yesterday, but certainly better than the whole last week. So, of course, I stayed in my room. I did some studying (since I didn’t finish my coding exercises yesterday) and then took a shower (since I didn’t take one yesterday) and then it was already time for lunch.

Today, we celebrated my sister’s (Sara) birthday. Since she doesn’t live with our parents anymore, but we have a big house, she invited some friends and family over to our house. Lot’s of people… Too much for my taste.

Playing Kubb

After all this gaming, we had dessert, and (since some small children were over) we played some children’s games with them. But not long there after, I had enough so I went back to my room, and finished my studies…

Too much People

From then on, nothing that important happened anymore. I watched some YouTube, and had dinner. That’s about all. Shortly, I’m gonna hand in my exercises which I solved today, and then I’m gonna go to bed.

Feeling Content(?)

Interestingly enough, it didn’t feel as if I didn’t do anything today, even tough I didn’t really do that much. Weird how all that works.

That’s all for today. I’ll see you again tomorrow! Bye-Bye!

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Ah, I nearly forgot to tell you: Yesterday, I decided, that I would not eat anything anymore, which comes out of the amazon rain forest (or where it used to be), since I don’t find this cool – all this deforestation. To say it in the weakest possible terms.
Anyway; see you tomorrow!